What is wrong with me?

One nice thing about being in a relationship, one thing that kept me in it so long, was the freedom from worrying about certain things. I don't mean shaving my legs, which I did stop worrying about, but other, more internal things. Being in a relationship with one boy means you don't have to worry about all the others. That was a welcome relief because to tell the truth I am bad at it. I am really bad at dating, to the point that it embarasses me. I really have no idea how to do it, I guess I never learned. I have always been fiercely independent, and even when I do get involved with boys it's very casual. There have always been those girls I know, for whom having a boy around has always been an integral part of their lives. Every family event, every big moment, every not so big moment, they always had the man of the minute around and seamlessly integrated into their schedule. I am not nor have I ever been that girl. I was always jealous of them, although not anymore. I still envy their ability to handle dating. What I'm getting at is, although I was and still am very excited to be single I am not excited for the bullshit of dating. I always, always screw it up. I love my new hairdo though.