the asylum

I reference the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy often in daily life. Hell, I answer questions in class with '42' at least once a quarter (they're math and science classes, so 42 could be a legitimate answer). Well, here goes another one. There was a character, I don't remember his name, but he lived in a place called the asylum. If you actually visit the asylum you find it's built inside out. The exterior walls have interior features, the furniture is on the outside, and the inside of the house is really the outdoors. The jist is that the rest of the world is really the asylum and what's inside, where the man lives, is the place for sane people. The reason he has done this is quite simple. On the wall in a frame is a box of toothpicks. It has instructions for use on it. That is sort of what I felt like tonight. I had an interesting weekend all around, but first let's talk about tonight. I had to pick up the other Czech at the airport, and of course his flight was delayed until 3, so I was unable to partake of any adult beverages. I felt really crappy all day, and I was pretty much inside the house, so I was happy to get out and do the bar thing, sober or no. Now I bartend occasionally at the hotel, so I'm really no stranger to being around drunk people. This was different. To be in the middle of it all watching as it happens and interacting with buzzed folks is quite surreal. I actually had a pretty good time, and if I had to I could make a habit of it. I was really surprised at that fact, I thought it would really suck. I did feel a little like I was the only person living outside the asylum, though. The best part of the evening was an interaction between Jake and Mrs. Lynne:

Jake: I was a Clinton supporter, actually.
Lynne: Why, are you from Mexico?

Jake and I laughed quite hard at that. We were not laughing at her, as I can only assume that she was buzzed and misunderstood what he said, but it was really classic.

Let's rewind to last night.

Last night one of my friends was busy making moves on a dude. As is often the case, me and said friend went to enjoy some after hours festivities with the dude and his friends. I was quite pleased by the male to female ratio, as the occupation of the friend left me the only other woman with 5 guys. That adds up to pick of the litter for old Amber. I wasn't wrong, there were several plays made, all of which were more or less politely refused (one of them I actually thought was cute).
The advances of one of them became a little impolite, and I was starting to get annoyed. When he asked me "What's your name, anyway?" I was happy to respond "Well it ain't Strawberry" (Strawberry, Strawberry, the neighborhood ho).
Eventually he divorced him self of all pretense at respect and told me to show my tits or get the fuck out. I don't remember what the other boys said, but I don't think they were defending my honor (they were probably passed out). Again, my friend was occupied, so of course she didn't want to leave. I was drunk and feeling feisty of course, so when the ultimatum was delivered yet again I replied, "What would you do with them, you have a tiny penis?" and slammed the door on my way out. I made a few calls to people I knew in the area, none of whom answered their phones (thanks a bunch), and eventually ended up walking the 15 blocks to the Sandy Hut and sleeping in my car. It got hot early.

Now lets return to tonight. I was sober because of the aformentioned trip to the airport, and as I was leaving the bar, several of the boys from the previous night begged me for a ride. I had a few minutes to spare so I obliged and I was so fucking happy when they went to get in and I got to tell the rude one, in front of everyone "YOU CAN'T FUCKING COME". The rest of us drove off. I was pleasantly surprised that his friends felt no loyalty to him and were quite willing to leave his punk ass.   PAYBACK'S A BITCH. It was even more satisfying because earlier that night when he arrived at the hut I really wanted to avenge myself. I had fantasized about what I would do if I were braver and confident in my ability to kick his ass (he was a smaller dude). I had the idea that I would walk up to him, flash my boobs, and then punch him in the face. The way things turned out was good enough.

OH AND SOMEBODY HIT MY FUCKING CAR AT THE AMBASSADOR. THERES A MEDIUM DENT IN THE DRIVER SIDE DOOR NOW AND IT CREAKS WHEN I OPEN IT. FUCKER.

a quick one

Over, done with
before it began.
This weekend, maybe...or is it the man.

The greener grass

I have seen some of my highschool pictures (not the one of my old nose. that one's a bit frightening), and I'm amazed at how thin I was. The reason I am amazed is because this is not the way I remember it. I remember being plagued by thoughts of how much fatter I was than the popular girls. I know, puke, right? This leads me to wonder how many other ways I felt inferior that were less than accurate. I have talked to many people that I went to school with, and while I thought I was nerdy and unpopular, they thought i was a snob. Now, I am not waxing philosophical about popularity and self image just to be emo.  I am distressed by how much I missed out on, how unhappy I was because of time spent worrying about those things. It's bullshit. I am sure it didn't stop after high school. Well, I know I felt the same way, so I'm sure there's a good chance that my feelings were equally as inaccurate. And guess what? I still kind of feel the same way. I have much more confidence in my people skills; my ability to make friends, hang out, and generally be fun to be around is much improved. My body image, I'm afraid, is not much better. I just have too many friends who are way hotter than I am to delude myself about that. Don't get me wrong, I know that the opposite sex has much different and broader tastes. I know that being cool goes a long way, and I don't want to brag, but, well, I am. Very. I also firmly believe that the powers that be did not design this universe so that appearance is the key to happiness. I still really let it get to me. I think about all the summer things I want to be doing and my appearance definitely affects my enthusiasm. I actually feel that I have a pretty healthy relationship with food. I decided a long time ago that life is short and nothing was worth denying myself things I wanted to eat. I don't eat McDonalds or any of that crap, no doritos or junk food for me. But other than that I eat what I want, when I want. It's not like I gained a bunch of weight, or anything. No, I pretty much look the same as I have for about the last 5-10 years. In fact, since being single I have lost a few pounds. But, if you're a girl, you understand that it doesn't really matter. The reality of your appearance is of no consequence when it comes to the world we create inside our heads. The inner monologue that says how things are is very hard to change, and some of us are so invested in it we don't want it too. It's comforting. So my point is, I really need to do something about it. I don't want to miss any more of life worrying about this crap.

I might as well sink completely into 7th grade

Today I actually called Lynne and read a message I sent to someone to her. And now I'm going to rip off a poem from a teen movie. Actually a teen movie ripped off from Shakespeare with Julia Stiles, who is rad.

I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your stupid trucker hats

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right,

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you're not around,

and the fact that you called.

But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you,

not even close,

not even a little bit,

not even at all.

UPDATE:
 I have decided that in order to properly appreciate this poem you have to see
Julia Stile's delivery.

the surprise at the end of this blog

I hung out with the ex today. I just went over to work on his computer and help him with some school stuff. I also gave him a ride to the skate park and then to a job interview. Of course he got a bit buzzed and we got in a fight towards the end. I was also tempted to sleep with him, mostly out of habit than anything else. Plus he was dressed up for a job interview. It left me with an icky feeling, one that I couldn't pinpoint until I dropped him off. I guess it's just to soon. I am so going to see Mamma Mia!!!! For those of you who don't know about Mamma Mia it was a broadway musical written around Abba songs, much like "Across the Universe", although I don't know if that one was ever on Broadway. I'm not really what you would call a girly-girl, but I have my moments. Musicals are one of them. My secret-oh-so-special dream is to be in a spontaneous dance number. One that is not planned nor choreographed, but everyone seems to know the same moves. I could die happy. I watched the shit out of "Chicago". My favorite song from that one is "Mr. Cellophane":

Shoulda been my name
Mr. Cellophane
Cause you can look right through me
Walk right by me
And never know I'm there

The reason I bother to illuminate that fact is most women prefer "He had it coming". I also really like Grease, Annie, A Chorus Line,  to name a few. I still haven't seen "All that Jazz" which I'm really psyched for because the choreography for the video "Cold Hearted Snake" by Paula Abdul was lifted directly from it. Watch it sometime and you'll see why Paula was actually a star, and it ain't her magical pipes. It's her stems. Man that girl can dance, and those moves! They don't make em like that anymore. "All That Jazz" is not a new one, it came out in the 70's, I just haven't seen it.

Last night I watched Mr. Mom again. GOD I love that movie. Few people know it but it's a John Hughes flick, and it's f'ing funny.

Looking forward to Friday, although I have to pick up one of the Czech's on Saturday at, like, midnight (visiting scientists that I will be working with). That should put a bit of a damper on my weekend.

I will sign off now, but before I do, as promised, is a surprise. Behold in all it's glory:
My old Nose
Courtesy of Tami Galvin

my next tattoo

I think this is gonna be my next tattoo.


I have a rule, however, that I won't get tattoed with something unless I have a very strong attachment and familiarity with it. For example, my tattoo of Jupiter represents several things, my passion for space, my love of the planet jupiter, and the fact that my natal chart has a 'bucket' formation with the handle in jupiter. If you're not sure what that means, a bucket formation represents a very strong and driven person, with all their energy focused on one thing. That thing is usually represented by the planet that the handle is in, which in my case is Jupiter. Now I don't want to seem too full of myself, but this configuration is common with kings: Jesus Christ had it as a matter of fact (rest assured I have no messianic delusions: I don't do drugs anymore). My rose tattoo was my graduation tattoo, and it also has several meanings. I am very fond of roses, and thats despite the fact that I'm not a flower-baby-kitten person. I do however like roses: I'm from the city of roses, and I have toyed with the name Rose for any possible children I might have. Also, for those of you that haven't gotten close enough to see it (and most of you wont have that pleasure) there is a 'pi' symbol in the middle of it. BTW Patrick at Sea Tramp did a beautiful job on that one. I highly recommend him. So you get the idea, all my tattoos have strong meaning for me. So in order to allow myself to get this tattoo I will learn everything there is to know about the apollo missions. Hell, I'm probably gonna have to eventually anyway. There have been a lot of missions in the space program, obviously, but the apollo programs are special to me for many reasons. The obvious one is it is the first and only visit by man to another galactic body. It is really just an amazing feat. A word of warning: normally I am willing and able to listen to any conspiracy theory you've got, but if you so much as mention the moon landing one you'll get Buzz Aldrin'ed.

Peace
Update: apparently everyone does not know what it means to be 'Buzz Aldrin'ed'. Someone suggested to Mr. Aldrin that the moon landing was a fake and he clocked him.

up to speed

et me get you there.

First of all a big fuck you to all my myspace friends. I was away for almost 2 days and returned to not a single email or myspace messages. That's depressing.

Second of all I would like to be a bit redundant and blog about the subject of blogs. Very few people subscribe to my blogs (jerks!). Included in those is a random private profile with the name "No". I cannot see their profile so I know nothing about them. That creeps me out a bit. Now lets talk about he people who don't subscribe to my blog. That doesn't bother me, mind you, except that far more people read my blog than subscribe to it. Usually around 50 for every blog. My only complaint is: I would like to know who you are. Sometimes I want to talk about people in my blog and I am always a bit hazy on exactly how cryptic I have to be and how much I can just come out and say. Believe me, if I had my way I would blog every detail of my life for all the world to see as I find it cathartic, however, often caution and discretion win out and I just disguise and code the events in question. For example, this weekend I tried really hard to help a friend out with something, I did a lot of leg work to make something happen, and she rejected it. Now I really wish you knew what I was talking about, but unfortunately only she's gonna get that reference. Not very productive, since I already bitched to her about the silver platter. Also, I saw some things that reminded me why I stopped doing something I shouldn't have been doing anyway and I found it disturbing. Or that I had to give up an opportunity I would have liked to take in order to be a good person. Any idea what that means? Of course not! But I can't come out and say directly what happened because I CAN'T TALK ABOUT THE PEOPLE INVOLVED!!!!! Even if they don't read it it's still not nice.

Ah fuck it I'll just talk about science some more.

somethings myspace just shouldn’t be used for

It is my opinion that myspace is innapropriate for certain things. One of these is male-female relations. And yet I use it for that very purpose. In fact, it is my primary method of contacting boys. So what is so wrong with using it for said relations? I'll tell you.

Many of us have fear of commitment, or fear of intimacy, or both. I myself have the latter, although my recent long relationship has given me a touch of the former as well. Many of us also have developed 'coping' mechanisms to deal with said fears. My primary methods are as follows:
1.Pining for someone who is not around.
2.Relying on alternate methods of communication to pursue connection.

I happen to think that the second is just a lighter form of the first, but it is the second I mostly intend to talk about in this blog.

If used in moderation either can be fun and even healthy, but if heavily favored they can lead to deeply worn ruts. Trust me, I'm an expert.

Pining for someone who is not around basically means carrying a torch for someone you have no contact with at all. The reason this one is dangerous is you have no meter stick, no guage upon which to measure the other person's feelings. In addition, you idealize them to the extent that no live person can actually measure up. All the while, this allows you to be in love without having to actually do anything (nobody loves no-one, right?)

Relying on alternate methods of communication for connection is where myspace comes in.
First, lets talk about the inbox. I'm not sure if you are aware, but there is a 'sent' part of your inbox which will actually tell you if the receiving party has read your message or not. This provides ample opportunity for obsessing, which I do often.

Second, even though most people check their myspace with breakneck regularity, there is a lag between the sending and recieving. You really need instant gratification in these situations. Not to mention the additional obsessing, what with checking your email and/or myspace all the time.

The ambiguity of electronic communication is not a plus either. I have an annoying habit of rereading messages I send (and rereading) to check that the exact meaning and nuance I intended is present. I have often discovered unintended subtext in a message which you have to then either live with or send additional messages to clarify.

In the end, this method of coping is just an additional method of keeping people at a distance, thus avoiding intimacy, while still allowing one to make moves, so to speak.

Of course there is the alternate school of thought.
I don't really like feelings, I don't really like to talk about my feelings, and I don't like songs that talk about feelings. All that shit is better avoided.

Shit Happens

Don't read this blog unless you want to be bummed or you're one of my tight people.

That's the way the cookie crumbles and all that. If you read the blog I wrote last night, you know a really close friend of the family was killed. I am taking it pretty hard, but that's not all. Shit is hitting the fan in general. This has happened to me before, and I know I've heard other people talk about bad things happening in groups (3's I think). The last time was when my grandfathers died. They died 2 weeks apart, and 2 weeks after 9/11. It was a blur.

I feel the same way tonight. My mom is taking it pretty hard too, although I'm not sure if it's the loss itself or putting herself in her mom's position. Our families bonded over some similar difficulties in during youth, and my parent's felt a certain kinship with Jessica's mom. My mom yelled at me this morning, even threatened to kick me out. I yelled back, crying a little, and left to go drive and cry. I knew she was just venting on me, but it was still reminiscent of my teenage years and it dashed my hopes a bit.

My sister is going through some harsh shit right now and I can't help her. She wouldn't let me if I could as she told me today she never wanted to talk to me again.

Another friend of hers, who is also my friend, disagrees with me about how to help my sister. It is not going well.

Basically, in the midst of this great tragedy my whole family is in turmoil and it's small consolation that I didn't do anything wrong this time.

I could sure use a cigarette right now.

I know it's a cheap move but I'm gonna solicit some sympathy right here on myspace. If you love me, drop me a line and tell me so, I can sure use it.

Under the heading "circle of life", Melissa's little sister had a baby boy today.
Baby Lincoln at 6pm. CONGRATULATIONS BREE AND BRENDAN!!!!
Also, my mom and I apologized to each other later. I can't remember the last time that has happened.

In memory of Jessica Wallace

My sister's best friend was killed in a car crash tonight. She was my friend too, more like a little sister, actually, and I am very sad. The saddest part, though, is that I think her and my sister were in the middle of a stupid but lengthy fight and were not speaking. Even sadder, my sister is not speaking to me, so I had to call several times to get her to tell me everything. She is devastated in a way I cannot and do not want to imagine. I didn't feel like she even knew for sure if it was true since she had heard second hand from other people, so I ended up calling police non-emergency to confirm. A very nice and compassionate deputy called me back, the one who took the call, actually, and told me the story.

Jessica Wallace was 28 years old and had an infant son who turned 1 year old today. No one else was in the car and no one else was involved in the accident. She was on her way to work. She was a very sweet and funny girl and I liked her alot.

Rest In Peace Jessica,
You will be missed.

Gravity is a Mystery

Okay, so when I write about science I don't write about just anything. I have particular taste in subject matter, limited specifically to topics which are weird, strange, and unusual. For instance, my story about nuclear physics: nobody thinks about how all those protons are sticking together, right? There are others that I haven't written about but might in the future, like prime numbers, buffon's needle, and others. In general I am imminently fascinated by things that just should not be. Gravity is the grandaddy of all of these.

First, lets talk about Sir Isaac Newton. Of all the scientists of the last 500 years, he was the tops. He was the most prolific, the most innovative, and the most enigmatic. The dude invented an entire branch of mathematics, for God's sake (calculus, in case you were wondering. I happen to love calculus, also in case you were wondering). He also invented the reflecting telescope, which uses mirrors instead of lenses to focus the light. The reason I bring him up is because of another thing he 'invented': Gravity. He pioneered the scientific and mathematical models which describe how gravity works in this great universe of ours. Truthfully there were many before him. There have also been many since. Many more brilliant people have further explored and developed additional models, including my hero: Albert Einstein. His major contributions were in the form of General and Special Relativity. I'll write about those two in a later blog, they really deserve their own treatment. Yes, much work has been done to describe the how's of gravity. The trouble is, no one has even remotely cracked the mystery of 'why'.

Gravity seems like a relatively simple and straightforward concept. We all live with it and experience it's effects. You wouldn't think that it would be the deepest scientific mystery of the ages. What's so mysterious about it, you may ask?

Gravity, as we all know effects all things with mass. Gravity draws bodies with mass to each other, the denser the body, the larger the draw. The sun has lots of mass, so does the earth. Gravity draws the earth to the sun from 91,000,000 miles away, keeping the moving earth at that distance fairly constantly. So what is the big f'ing deal?

Body A and body B are 10 feet apart in space. Body A is lighter, and is therefore drawn to body B, and will move closer to it provided it has no other inertia. If space is a vacuum (virtually) and is as empty as empty can be (almost) then there is nothing between these two bodies. How does body A know that body B is there?

Wait a minute. Let it sink in. Ponder it a bit. Now really think about it. The smartest minds on earth have hashed and rehashed this question and no one knows the answer.

So that is the mystery of gravity for ya. Let me know if you have any thoughts and I'll forward them to my contacts at MIT. Okay really I don't have any contacts at MIT. I do know a really smart professor from Germany, though.

Several Things

1. Grown men who say 'tummy' bother me. It's a stomach dammit, talk like an adult.

2. I am done done done with school for the summer. My final project was not my best work, not by a longshot, but I don't give a fuck. I am so fucking burnt and exhausted that I don't care if I get a C in this class. Honestly, I've already been accepted to Grad School, so it really doesn't matter.

3. I need some brains.

4. I am going to sleep for 15 hours, I swear to God.

I have this thing I call "Empty Backpack Syndrome". It's kinda like empty nest syndrome, where when the kids leave the house there is an absence, a hole in your life where they used to be. It's the end of the quarter and I fear the absence. Of course I'm actually ecstatic, but at the same time I am used to having a very distinct and demanding purpose. Many people are not lucky enough to know what their calling is, and I count myself fortunate. And yet I am a bit flabberghasted without school to worry and generally stress over. I just don't know what to do with my free thoughts.

I moved the very last of my stuff out of the apartment today, returned my keys and got off the lease. Of course Mike yelled at me and accused me of sleeping with one of his friends. Well I did, just not who he thought. The names of the two people in question sound almost identical, but it's funny he wouldn't know to question the idea. One of his friends blabbed to him about it, and honestly he was probably too beered up to tell the difference. This just reaffirms my assertion that boys gossip worse than girls, or maybe it's just the boys I know. He can really be a jerk sometimes. Then he got all choked up and we shared a cigarette and some sad feelings for a few minutes before I drove off into the sunset. I think he still thought I was coming back. That's what everyone else says, anyway. For those of you (and I know there aren't many) who think I was just a ball buster who begrudged the man the occasional beer, ask me to tell you a story sometime: there is one I find particularly illustrative, though I won't tell it in this forum. I'm tired.

look for me

coming to a bar near you starting this Friday!!!

On the reals, it's a good thing I finish school on friday and am off for the summer because

I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!

I'm gonna need some serious alcohol therapy very soon.

red lizard cry

I saw "Black Snake Moan" last night. I am going to tell you a secret, ladies and gentlemen, that I fear should never be revealed to anyone: I love Justin Timberlake. He is my baby daddy, and all you other chickenheads need to get the hell on. I just feel I need to comment on his acting talent a bit, as I think we will be seeing a lot more of him on the silver screen. He was good; not great, but good. I definitely think that his skills will develop the more movies he does and we will be seeing his work become great. Plus he is so f***ing hot. He has sex with Christina Ricci in that movie! That, plus Samuel L Jackson's blues scene make the movie worth it all by itself. I don't think the movie did that well in the box office, but I like being unique. Also, I think I must tell you all that it freaked me out a bit. I imagine it's kinda like "Fatal Attraction" did for men in the 80's. Oh well. Finals this week and then I'm home free!

Fishing

Katt Williams has a bit he does about single people and married people. He shouts out to all the married people and then the single people and he compares how they respond. The married people are not nearly as enthusiastic in their response, and he claims that they are not nearly as enthusiastic about going out in general. The single people are hyped. They get their hair done, dress up, smell good, and just enjoy life a little more. Yep, life is better for single people. Until the end of the night, when you go home drunk and alone and heat up old chinese food. You stand in your kitchen lonely and drunk crying to God "Why oh why am I so lonely, please send me someone".
Now, while I can't say that I'm that desperate or lonely, I understand the point he's making. Lynne and I went to 4 different bars last night (and back to the hut 3 times), and there was little or no action. There was one idiot snotty guy who thought he was better than me, just because I'm some drunk blonde girl, and he lives in Belize. I was just waiting to drop the hammer on him with my standard move when guys are douchey and snobby: I ask them what they do for a living and then when they ask me what I do I say "Oh me, I'm a physicist." But he wouldn't take the bait. Who answers a question about their job with "I live in Belize"? Douchebag. Lynne watched all of this from the sidelines and she was equally as disappointed when I didn't let him have it. We walked out instead.

Anyway...
Fishing is only fun if you catch something, otherwise you're just some idiot dangling a string into the water

Nuclear Physics for Dummies

First I would like to explain something. You all must wonder why I think it is necessary to talk about science all the time in such an inane forum as myspace. Am I trying to impress you all or show off how smart I am? Well, yes, but that's not the only reason I do it. Believe it or not, writing about and explaining science is considered a very important skill for a researcher to have and it is one of the tools you absolutely must acquire as a master's student. What do we do with research after we have it? We travel around to conferences, write papers, teach, and generally try to explain what we are doing. It is considered a vital aspect of the skill set (buzzwords, eww).

In my exploration into my new field of specialization,- physics- I am coming to learn the why's and hows of most of the forces in the universe which I must admit I previously found baffling. Sometimes I find that subjects which seemed inscrutible are really quite simple and elegant in their explanation. The physics of Nuclear Reactions is one of those. It all stems from Nuclear Physics (surprise, surprise). First, a clarification. To what do you suppose the 'Nuclear' in Nuclear Physics refers? It is actually the same as the 'Nuclear' in Nuclear Family, although most people assume that that 'Nuclear' refers to the 'Nuclear' in 'Nuclear Power' or 'Nuclear Physics'. It actually refers to the Nuclear, adjective form of the word Nucleus, meaning  (from websters)

"a central point, group, or mass about which gathering, concentration, or accretion takes place"

In the term 'Nuclear Family' it refers to the fact that the modern family unit is centered around the most base members of mother, father, and children, without any extended relations, as has been the custom in every other part of the world and in every other time period since the dawn of man.

Now what of Nuclear Physics?

The 'Nuclear' of 'Nuclear Physics' also refers to a nucleus, that of the atom. What is most interesting about this is how I never really considered or thought of it before.

First let's talk about the atom for a moment. We all remember a bit from high school science classes about the atom, how it is made of 3 major components. (there are others like quarks and such but they are subatomic and not important here). They are the neutral neutron, the positive proton, and the negative electron. The protons are clumped in the center while an equal (usually) amount of electrons buzz around in orbit.  What powers this machinery is the electric charge that the two latter particles have which, as we all know, is opposite and therefore attracts. The weird part, the part I never thought of, is as follows:

We know what affect 2 oppositely charged particles have on each other; they attract, and what do similarly charged particles do? Repel!

So the question is, how do those protons stay all clumped together in the nucleus when the basic forces of the universe fight as hard as they possibly can to do the opposite?

The answer is the 'Nuclear Force'. What is it you ask? I don't know. I think it's another one of those things like the particle/wave duality of light that is just an enigma without a real explanation. What I and the rest of the really smart people (yes, I am counting myself among them, humility be damned) do know about the nuclear force is that it is VERY strong. Much stronger than gravity, stronger than the electromagnetic force - it has to be to keep the nucleus together after all- in fact, one of the strongest forces in the universe. What we also know about it is that it has very short range. This leads us to NUCLEAR REACTIONS ladies and gentleman.

There is a reason why uranium is used in nuclear reactions. There are others, but the main one is that it is BIG. When I say it is big I mean it has an atomic number of 92! That means that there are 92 protons crammed in that nucleus all kept together purely by the nuclear force. As we previously discussed, the nuclear force, strong though it is, has a very short range, and 92 protons strains the boundaries of that range. If you smash a couple of them together you break the bounds of the nucleus and release some of the force (called fissioning), which chain reacts into releasing the neighboring nuclei.

As I said the nuclear force is very strong. Force requires energy. Break the force, release the energy.
How much energy?

1 kg of Uranium 235 fissions to release

1 Tera Joule of energy, or
almost 300,000 kW hrs of electricity, with a street value of
$30,000. (however, they don't use the energy directly, I think they use it to heat water into steam and harness steam energy).

Isn't that interesting?

My life as a song

I feel I have something to say, but not sure how to say it. I don't want people to know too much, you see, but I want to vent. How to do it?  I'm going to list the songs that either remind me of, discuss, or just generally sound like what's on my mind. PS, don't necessarily read too much into the titles themselves.

1. "How much I feel" by Ambrosioa
2. "Everybody's working for the weekend" by Loverboy
3. "Chain of fools" by Aretha Franklin
4. "Hello it's me" by Todd Rundgren
5. "Don't let me be Misunderstood" by The Animals
6. "Splash Waterfalls" by Ludacris
8. "You can do it (put your back into it)" by Ice Cube
9. "SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUMMER" BY ALICE COOPER

Lynn, I suspect you'll figure this one out. Melissa might.

God refuses to prove his existence...

The babel fish is a great short storyline from THGTTG (look it up), because it raises an interesting philosophical paradox. The story goes that there is a fish that is placed in the ear of an intelligent lifeform which is able to feed off the brainwaves of it's host in such a way as to translate the 'signal' of foreign languages into his native language. It is so named the babelfish after the biblical story of the tower of babel and the multitude of languages which resulted in the tower's destruction. That is not the most interesting part of the story, however. The idea that a creature so useful could evolve completely independently, without any influence from a supreme being is so ridiculous that it virtually proves God's existence. As God refuses to prove his existence, he immediately disappears. Alas, there are no such earthly examples of this kind of overwheliming coincidence to provide similar interesting material in real life, right? WRONG
The example that springs to mind is the phenomenon (I use that word alot, I know) behind spectroscopy. It is so unbelievably useful that I am surprised that God doesn't 'poof' in embarassment everytime it is used.
In a nutshell, every element in the universe has unique characteristics, such as it's radius and the amount of electrons it can hold.
Now light and energy are one in the same, especially at the atomic level, where they are absorbed and emitted in the form of photons (that is that single quanta of light we talked about in a previous blog, remember kids?). This absorbtion or emission affects the atoms, in that it changes the radius at which the electtrons orbit the nucleus. The thing is, each element has certain orbits which are forbidden to it based on it's radius and electronic structure, so when emission occurs these orbits, which correspond to specific wavelengths of light, are missing. A similar thing occurs during absorption where the only absorbed wavelengths are those which are missing during emission. Guess what this leads us to? An infallible way to identify elements when any light source is shined through them. The emission or absorption spectrum is completely characteristic. Even more amazingly, the addition of other elements or even compounds doesn't change where the lines occur, it just adds those of the additional component elements. This has allowed us to draw conclusions about the makeup of extremely remote areas of the Universe, without leaving our telescopes. Now you tell me, could something so useful have been created independently, without the help of a supreme being?
I'm not campaigning for the existence of God either way based on any of this, mind you, but I think it is a really interesting philosophical paradox. I do believe in God, but I don't think you have to to be a good person. God's not an egoist, mind you. He doesn't really need you to believe in him, just his work.
In conclusion, I would like to infer from these points the reason why I believe so passionately in the poigniancy of what I hope to make my career: Space Travel. To steal a very good point from the movie Contact, If we are alone in the universe, it would be an awful waste of space. I also infer the possibilty of deep space travel based on hyper (faster than light) speeds. This is in the face of everything physics has taught me so far, but in my gut I know it to be true. I just can't imagine God (or whoever) would have given us this big wide and wholly incredible place to look at, learn, and dream about, without letting us explore it. I feel that deeply as I have ever felt anything in my life. Of course I have the luxury of naivity. I admittedly don't know as much about the mechanics of these things as other advanced scientists who have determined it is impossible, but what the hell. 5 years ago we didn't know that at the center of every galaxy is a super massive black hole (thanks Hubble telescope), so there is still so much for us to discover. So that is my thoughts on the future of mankind, in a nutshell (look at me in this nutshell).

What is wrong with me?

One nice thing about being in a relationship, one thing that kept me in it so long, was the freedom from worrying about certain things. I don't mean shaving my legs, which I did stop worrying about, but other, more internal things. Being in a relationship with one boy means you don't have to worry about all the others. That was a welcome relief because to tell the truth I am bad at it. I am really bad at dating, to the point that it embarasses me. I really have no idea how to do it, I guess I never learned. I have always been fiercely independent, and even when I do get involved with boys it's very casual. There have always been those girls I know, for whom having a boy around has always been an integral part of their lives. Every family event, every big moment, every not so big moment, they always had the man of the minute around and seamlessly integrated into their schedule. I am not nor have I ever been that girl. I was always jealous of them, although not anymore. I still envy their ability to handle dating. What I'm getting at is, although I was and still am very excited to be single I am not excited for the bullshit of dating. I always, always screw it up. I love my new hairdo though.