It should be a secret, but I really like living with my mom. I think she's giving me the Lexus, so that should carry her well into the teens decade for buying my affection, but that's actually not why I like it. It has cramped my dating a bit because I can't bring some nice young boy home for dinner (or anything else), but a little forced virtue never hurt anyone.
The most entertaining development is that she's living a bit vicariously through me. She likes the party life, so she understands about my lifestyle. I've also lost a few pounds and she is REALLY excited about that. On my birthday she made me get my hair highlighted. Yesterday she saw me in a halter top and was so excited about how thin I looked she went out at bought me another tube top the next day. Now she has promised to buy me one in every color.
One advantage of the halter is is properly showcased my my snake moments last night. My killer sunburn has developed into gnarly blisters and then huge chunks of peeling skin. People found it entertaining to peel me at the bar last night.
Another advantage was that I got hit on more in one night than I have in a month. It was a great night. Still no husband, though. Just kidding, I don't think I ever want to get married. I like the idea of life long monogomy, but I've worked way too many weddings in my life to be too jazzed about the idea. I once worked a wedding at the Oregon Trail center downtown, where the salads were served in Martini Glasses. I think someone told me the whole thing cost $40,000. That's a down payment on a house. That's a Yacht. Fuck that. That's why I tell every guy that gets halfway serious about me that I will only get married in Vegas, by an Elvis. I am so serious.
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