melancholy

I am concerned about my mental state. I don't think I'm headed for a straight jacket or anything like that, I just don't like my attitude. First of all, have you noticed how long it's been since my last science blog? The main thing that concerns me, though is that I'm no longer the happy go lucky single gal I was when I first became single again. The shiny has worn off the penny a bit, to say the least. My love life is a bit of a clusterfuck, of late. When I first got out of the relationship the world was full of possibilities and it seemed like everyone was dying to get a piece of me. I felt like a really hot commodity. That's not really what is bothering me either, though.
I have begun to begrudge my singleness. It's this thing I used to do before I got in the relationship, before I knew what it was all about and thought it was the thing that would make me happy. I would constantly, but subliminally, yearn for the day, hour, minute, when I would meet the man of my dreams and somehow it would make my life perfect. Logically I know this is ridiculous and I judge and ridicule women like that. However, it sits in the back of my brain. I hate it, and I'm doing it again. The only difference is I know a lot better what I want and will NOT get involved with someone who is not right for me just because I want to be in a relationship. I just wish it was all happy and fun and anything's possible again, cause right now I'm a bit hung up on this one dude that got away. Whatever, he'll be back. They ALWAYS come back.