dating, the final frontier

I really liked the Star Trek movie. Really liked it. Alot. Liked it. A whole really lot. I even got a heavy crush on Zachary Quinto/Spock afterwards. At first it was fun, I was just happy to be having a crush again. The last couple months I have been getting over someone (no, you're not vain, this song is about you). This someone wasn't even really a thing, but it hasn't really been a thing, for like, 5 years. I'll admit I've been harboring the secret hope that it might become something during this time and that has kept me rather off the market. So anyway, I was hyped on my Spock Crush. Then it started to scare me a bit. I was thinking about the guy like he was a real person that I was dating. I don't mean that I had daydreams wherein I imagined Syler/Spock/Zachary and I having a romantic picnic on a mother fucking boat yall or anything that borderline psychotic. I mean I was having little flashes of feeling, like when you sense the vibe of someone you're stoked on. Its just momentary thing, a fleeting flash of their essence on your mind. But I think usually I have this feeling about actual people. On top of all that, I think Zach is gay, but thats not important. So I started to take apart this unrealistic crush. I deconstructed and analyzed it. I have a theory about the way I like boys, that all of my methods are just ways that I can be in love without actually being in a relationship. I started to think that I was addicted to the unattainable, and that scared me. After dwelling on that scenario for a while I decided to opt for a more rosy one. I actually met a boy this weekend. I don't think it'll turn into anything; he's not really my type and I don't think I'm his. Interesting sidenote; I hadn't really thought about what preppie boys would think of my tattoos but I got to test that theory. I'm not quite sure what the results were, but thats another blog. Anyway, I did meet a boy, and though I don't think its a big deal, there was some serious flirting exchanged. So what if the mr. rightnow from this weekend and my unhealthy hard on for a vulcan were kind of like transition flings. I never thought I was one for the freudian school of thought, but every now and then I try to actively aknowledge that the mind is capable of much more than we imagine, lots of which is not in our control. So what if these were my brains newborn fawn steps, the first tentative steps at reaching my heart out on 'safe' targets. I think that makes sense. Now I need to meet a real live boy. There'll be plenty of time for that this summer, what with trips to seattle, the beach, and just anything else the weather permits. And if all else fails I can always pay for it when I go to thailand in september.