Nunya

I don't know how long its been since I've mentioned this, but I'm psychic. I don't really care if you believe me cause that's not the purpose it serves. It comes in the form of flashes in my head, of pop culture references, songs, past events in my life. There are a few that are reused, and of course there are always new ones. I'll explain more about that later, the important thing you must know is it never fails me. An example that comes to mind is when my sister was looking for a job and had applied at a few places I got a flash, I can't remember what, but the jist of it was that she was gonna get a job at A-boy hardware store. She had filled out the application weeks ago and we had pretty much written it off. There was no obvious reason why I should suspect that she would get the job. Of course less than a week later she got the job. Like I said it never fails me. Almost. Except when it comes to boys. I think I'm starting to figure out why; it's kinda like that scene in "Bruce Almighty" where Jim Carrey, who has previously been omniscient, is unable to use all the powers of God to make Jennifer Aniston love him. This is a relatively new revelation for me because I'm not used to problems I can't conquer with my brain. You have to forgive my hubris, but in the rest of my life I'm acustomed to getting almost everything I want by the sheer right of being one of the intellectual elite. I lost you on the sympathy, didn't I? Well, don't envy me too much, because though things come easy to me in a way that I take for granted, in a way that many people would kill for, mastery of boy-girl relations has always eluded me. I feel like I am literally retarded when it comes to love. I know everyone thinks they are terrible at it, but I REALLY am. Seriously, ask anyone who has dated me. I promise that everyone in the entire world has managed to figure out how to have satisfying interaction from the opposite sex except me. I promise. Anyway...
I think I have figured out that the reason it is sometimes wrong when it comes to boys is that people have free will. You just can't completely predict what people will do with matters of the heart.
So I said I would explain how my psychic powers work. I'm not saying this is how it works for everyone else, but this is how it works for me. First let me tell you that it doesn't work on command, not usually. I'm sure there are exceptions, but they are rare. So my mind wanders as they tend to, and I'll be thinking about one subject or another, one that is not necessarily settled, and a flash of vision will hit. I said that they are pop culture references, and they often are, but the most common one is an event that happened when I was about 5. This was deep in the middle of the cabbage patch kid crisis, and I had not gotten my first one yet. We were at my uncle's house for Christmas and we were opening presents, and one after another was not my cabbage patch kid. I was getting worried, and finally down to my last present from my grandmother. I had this awful feeling of fear and dread because the cabbage patch kid had it's own aisle at kmart (my mom's favorite store), and I visited it whenever I could. I knew that box by heart, and the gift being handed to me by my grandma was not the right size. I opened it halfheartedly, knowing that no matter what it was it wouldn't be as good as that little piece of plastic and cloth with 'Xavier Roberts' written on its butt. So I open it and it turns out Grandma had ordered our gift from a catalog and when sent by mail a CABBAGE PATCH KID GOES IN A DIFFERENT BOX. So I got my cabbage patch kid. Her name was Rosa Bethany (how strange that I remember that). So when I get that flash I know whats going to happen with whatver I'm thinking about: it will look like it's gonna go bad but then turn out in my favor. Another example is that stupid 'David's Bridal' commercial song. When I met Mike I knew we were going to get together because I kept hearing that song in my head.
Now I know what you're thinking, everyone gets random songs stuck in their head and other random flashes of thought. I have those too, and they're meaningless. These are different. First, they happen when I'm actually thinking about something else. Second, there is a different feeling when the important ones happen.
I'll tell you the most important one I ever had: it was ten years ago. I can't say it was the first one, but they started right around that time. When I was 21-22 I was a nanny for some very wealthy families in San Jose, CA. I was at work and it was nap time, which meant nap time for me too, and I was on the edge of sleep. I had plans to go swing dancing with a friend on Wednesday that week, and I started thinking about that, and the voice, or what ever it was, said "Not that Wednesday, the one after that", I was on the edge of sleep, and I sort of stayed there, but at the same time I perked right up, because this had never happened to me before. Then it said "Go to the Church of the Sacred (friendly) Heart". I can't really explain whats with the parentheses except that it's what that part felt like, sort of an aside. Anyway, the reason you should believe that this is legit is because I ended up getting fired from that family later that week and by the next week I was placed at a new family. Soon after starting the mom asked me to attend a church service with them to keep an eye on the kids. They were Jewish, and it was some sort high holiday, I think, but whatever, it was on a Wednesday. Guess where the service was being held? Of course, the Church of the Sacred Heart. Now if you are astute, you will have noticed that name is Catholic. The attendance at high holidays was so great they couldn't fit everyone in the Synagogue and had to rent out this church. This happend, I kid you not. But I haven't even gotten to the most important part; the reason I was supposed to go there. I didn't know it at the time but I soon figured it out.
The service was actually a kid's service and it was performed by a kid's rabbi, and she told the story of Jonah and the Whale. She didn't tell it the usual way though.
So Jonah is this kid from Ninevah, and God has a calling for him. He comes to Jonah and tells him that he doesn't like the way the people of his town are treating each other. Everyone has gotten selfish and bitter and rude and just not very godly. God tells Jonah he wants him to change that. Jonah protests and tries as hard as he can to avoid it and finally he just says to God, "But I'm just one person".

And God says "Yep, that's what I'm lookin for".

Well you may or may not know the rest of the story, but the way it goes is Jonah runs like hell and even gets on a boat, which ends up caught in an awful storm caused by God. The sailors figure this out and throw Jonah overboard, where he is swallowed by a whale. The whale then travels all the way back to shore and spits Jonah out back at home in Ninevah. Jonah wanders around a bit shaken, and in his daze he bumps into someone, and they both fall down. Jonah is starting to get the drift that if God wants you to do a job, you do it. The other party looks like they are about to get pissed, and before they can do so Jonah finally gets on board with the program. He jumps up, helps him up, and says "I want to tell you that I'm sorry". The other party is stunned by this kindness. In similar fashion he passes it on to another person. Before another day has passed this kindness has spread virally and Jonah wakes to a new town. He is amazed to see the godly vision of a town that he was charged with producing. Needless to say, he is amazed. In his amazement he manages to get an audience with God again and he once again repeats "But I am just one person?". To which God replies

"Yep, that's what I was lookin for"

I kid you not, this happened.

That story was actually worth a blog of its own, but I'll continue the reason for this blog: my psychic powers as they relate to boys. So not long ago I had this one boy on my mind and at one point I got a flash that was actually two flashes: the first was when I was living in a house with 4 girls from U of P and I left for the weekend to come back to my rent money order having been stolen off the bulletin board. The second was that part in "As Good as it Gets" when Skeet Ulrich and pals beat the shit out of Greg Kinnear after he has trusted and grown to like him. Not a good one.
Another one involved a time we went to some resort on Mt. Hood during summer over the fourth of July when I was a kid. It was a weekend and there were lots of festivities planned, including a swim meet. I was a swimmer, so of course I entered, and I ended up winning. Not because I was the best, but because there weren't many people. It was a raining that weekend. You don't have to be a genius to interpret that one: that boy only liked me because I was the only girl around.
The most recent one involves a different boy. After having a date with him and not really being in to it, I got a flash of this other one that is quite common. My parents own a house in LC and we have always spent a lot of time at the coast. We were in some 5k and there was a drawing at the end for the kids. Well, there were very few entrants, so in order to get rid of them all they gave us all 2 prizes. I ended up having a second date with said dude and kinda liked him.
However, tonight I had a flash that is decidedly depressing. It's also a new one. It was the Jack London short story "To Build a Fire" that I read in middle school. I've already gone on quite at length in this blog, so I won't drag this one out. This guy takes a walk in the woods at -75 F when the local wisdom says never go out alone under -50 F. The guy falls through the ice and gets wet to his knees, and eventually freezes to death. That ain't good, I don't care who you are.

I guess the only good thing to take away from that is that free will and the inability to predict works both ways. I have the power to change outcomes too.

Apollo 13 is on now, and as you may or may not know that is my current obsession, so I bid you farewell.