Insight

I was talking on the phone for a while with a friend who is quite excited that I am single because he is convinced that he is now 'in there' . I like him well enough, have dated him in the past, and I definitely find him attractive. The only problem is he has a girlfriend. He doesn't understand why on earth this should stop me.. While we were discussing it I was trying to explain my position on the subject to his satisfaction. It's not that I didn't want to, you see, and I felt that if I were going to appease him I would have to make that clear. To the contrary, a bit of booze and a late night and I've no doubt something would happen. We then briefly discussed the notion of threesomes. I would like to make a disclaimer that as much as I think these explorations are interesting, they are rarely productive when done in a relationship. I am not in a relationship. I feel a bit freer and less guilty these days and am mulling over my options for 'exploration' in general. I've tossed around the idea along with a few others, things that I haven't done yet. I haven't come to any definite conclusions yet. The 'tag team' style threesome is by far the preferred in my mind, twice the attention, right? To be frank, the only thing that stands between me and the simultaneous love of 2 men is I don't think I could find anyone who would keep their mouth shut to do it with. I think dudes talk more than bitches sometimes. (i'm also frightened of double penny). The two girl, one guy threesome is a bit trickier. I figure If I want one I should be willing to do the other, kind of like my philosophy regarding oral sex. Now first off, I have NO interest in girls, at least below the waist. Boobs are great, everyone likes boobs, but the Va J-J FRIGHTENS ME. So that is a bit of a barrier. Mostly, though, I'm very possessive. I just don't think that if I had even the smallest smidge of feelings for the man involved there is any way I could stand to watch him be with another girl. Keep in mind I am being so open with this subject to you, dear readers, because I really don't see any of this actually happening. I think it's an interesting discussion, though, and I have a point, which I am approaching.
I am very sensitive to cheating. I usually blame it on walking in on my boyfriend with another girl when I was 18 (no blankets), but I don't know. All I know is, somewhere along the way I started taking cheating much more personally than most people do. So the reason I really try extra hard to avoid guys with girlfriends, why I think it would be hard for me to do a two girl threesome, is because of my infideli-phobia (I just made that up).
So my point is, ladies and gentleman, I figured out why I stayed in a relationship that I thought made me unhappy for such a very, very long time.
Because I wasn't unhappy. I was bored, but completely comfortable, safe, and secure in the knowledge that he would never, ever cheat on me. That's not nothing.