spf 45

went to the river today and got nice n burnt. was going to go out tonight but was too tired. see yall next weekend

have you ever seen a bee with a sunburned knee?

haven't blogged in a while, i'm kinda out of practice. I think i'm in heavy heavy like. the who is a me to know, you to find out sort of situation. just know that i'm a little spun right now. (and it's not martin). speaking of that sitch, there are some interesting events to report; night after night of ....NOTHING. no sex. not even heavy petting. I must say i'm kinda surprised about that, but it definitely would have interfered with my heavy like. He actually turned me down! just once, and that was enough for me to not try again. in hindsight i'm glad. i was kind of doing it because the person i like was on my shit list and i was ready to put an end to my feelings, but now i feel that might have been hasty. I am obsessed with food. I'm sure i've said it before, but i really watch food network like it's mtv (think mtv like it used to be. you know, when it would show videos (cool ones) most of the time, with spurts of news every now and then, and everyone under the age of 30 would have it on in the background for hours at a time) well that's how i watch food network. I haven't decided who my favorite chefs are, though. I like sarah moulton alot, and giada delaurentis is so petite i just want to put her in my pocket. her presentation of italian dishes is quite mesmerising. i guess my favorite would have to be alton brown. I don't know that he's ever been a professional chef, as in a restaurant, but he has his own show called good eats. What makes his show so good is the way he focuses on one subject, say eggs for example and goes through all the myths and popular ways to handle it. He backs up all of his suggestions with explanations and science. My math classes are going alright. I had a nervous breakdown in vector class on weds. I got one of my homeworks back and i got 3/30 on it. The teacher grades homework randomly and two of the three problems he graded happened to be the ones i didn't do. I did poorly on the first homework and on the first midterm, so i was a bit worried. I was a little distraught so i went in the bathroom and balled for a minute. I was mostly upset because i wasn't getting the material. this is my major so that is my main concern. the grade is really just a means to me. it'll be alright, im sure. On a few lighter notes we're going to the river saturday. right now it's myself, martin, lynn, jackie, and maybe jessica. i haven't told them but i plan on packing a nice picnic, with cheeses, fruit and bread. i will also be making a fruit and juice concoction to mix with a bottle of cheap white wine. yeah!!!! did i mention i'm in like. anyway. schools almost out, but these last two weeks will be a little hectic. after that i need to do some workin!

million dollar baby

was made because they weren't confident they could tug at your heart strings enough with a girl athletic story. so they had to tug at them titanic style. Friday night lights, now theres a movie. to bad no body is brave enough to make a movie like that about women's sports. FIGHT THE MUTHAFUCKIN POWER, YA HEARD

math

as many of you know i am a math major. I have been considering majoring in math to enter the grad teacher ed program so i can teach hs math so i can get my loans forgiven while pursuing my physics phd. now that that's clear i would like to wax regarding my math education. I am currently learning multivector calculus. Bare with me here, i shall test my skills. If you've ever taken any math beyond algebra 1, you know that when we deal with theoretical math we deal with x. It is our standard variable. We have spent our entire mathematical careers studying the world of numbers in terms of x. This quarter i have to relearn the whole process with multiple variables. theres x, and y and sometimes t,r or maybe the greek letters theta, rho, lambda, mu etc. all of which have their appropriate contexts depending on the phenomenon you are studying. t is used for functions studying time, theta is a angles in radians, rho lambda and mu are for spherical coordinate systems. Then theres d for the determinant or maybe derivative, h for the hessian, and on and on and on. I have no problem with these different variables, i just wish they hadn't seen fit to spring ALL of them on us in one condensed summer session. I am having no problem with the concepts, its the fucking notation i haven't seen before that is stumping me. oh and we are learning all these processes in terms of two variables instead of just one. anyway, i'm going to bed now.

seriously folks

first off i acquired "chicken in black". for those of you who don't know it is the last song recorded by Johnny Cash before he left columbia records. It was only released as a single, never on a record. They thought it was so terrible he was released from his contract because of it (he died with a lifetime contract with def American-def as in Ric Rubin).I actually doubted whether it really existed. I think it's great. It's about a brain transplant gone wrong. I had a very light weekend. I had no hangover saturday or sunday, which is highly unusual for me. Lynn and I hung out with some boys from the creature team, one of whom we have decided is capital F fine. I would really like to go to the river next weekend. if anyone else wants to go I think that a good picnic and some good beer would be in order. Sandy, Clackamas, Washougal, whatever. I have a live in chef, for the time being. Martin was a professional chef for a long time and he is more than willing to share his skills. I love it because i love to cook too, but i am deficient in the finer points of culinaria. Lastly, i am very concerned that a Sandra Day O'connor has resigned. Roe v Wade is all but lost. I have some problems with abortion passed the first month or so, but i think it is absolutely essential that it remain law, barring partial birth abortion. I am resigned to that fact because i don't see any way to stop it. I will be happy if it doesn't, but i have no faith in this administration.

Calculus

Is hard. my classes are way harder than at pcc. I kinda think its only because the teachers are not as good, not because of the content.

martin wins the contest for coolest dude ever.

i can only recount what i was told, i cannot verify. the last thing i remember was sitting at the table with dr.j and myi sisters boyfriend. after that i woke up. I have absolutely deleted from my brain every shred of evidence that anything happened in between those two events. As they have been told to me, the subsequent events are as follows: I was "waltzed" out by Martin as that was the easiest way for him to carry me. He and Dr. J escorted me to my house where they carried me inside, at which point my pants fell (sans underwear, oh horror). I used to date Martin so this is not new, um, information so to speak. Then i threw up on everything i own. Martin cleaned this up for me as i was incapacitated. I guess i spent a few hours in the bathroom, still bottomless, while the party raged on without me. I am kind of mortified that Martin saw me like this. Nothing like this has ever happened to me. I have never blacked out so utterly, but have definitely never puked in my sleep or even been incapacitated. At the very least i'm conscious. However i won't even try to convince him of that. Thanks to everyone for comin out and i'll see yall next weekend where i will try to stay conscious.

Moving Day

happy day before my birthday to me.  Maybe i'm conceited, but i've always felt my birthday was just a little more special than everyone elses. See, i was supposed to be born on the 4th, but was 5 days late (insert joke here). This was in the year 1976. I was supposed to be a bicentennial baby. Also, it's in the summer, which makes it more special. Also, it's close to the 4th of july, so i always kind of feel like the fireworks are for me (childhood associations, maybe?). Also, it's me, and im special. I guess we all have this world view. Evolution's insurance policy, maybe? But whatever. Saturday's my birthday, and it's the last year for four more years before my birthday will be on a weekend again. I'm most excited about eating. Today is like chinese buffet, only on steroids, with good sushi and lobster. Also, there will be copious amounts of drinking. A good time will be had by all. I'm supposed to get up in less than 4 hours to go catch the train to Seattle, load up Martin's stuff, and move him down. Cept i'm not sleepy. Maybe i'll see yall tomorrow night, if not, see you saturday.

"fever dreams are wierd" or "comfortably numb"

So i awoke this morning with my fever finally broken. Well, it wasn't really morning but it was for me. Thanks to lynn for getting my bike out of my car when i was too woozy to. Anyway, i have already been sick once this year (also when i was about to go see martin) coincidence?. I remember when i was young i used to get these healthy, recuperative fevers. i had the chills and a little dizzyness, kind of like being stoned. All in all it wasn't a terribly uncomfortable experience, that is if you had enough blankets. You would freeze whenever you had to go to the bathroom and maybe you felt like you were going to pass out a little whenever you stood up. Then you would rush back to bed where it was warm and no physical exertion was required and you would fall asleep till mom or dad came home from work to make the call whether you would go to school the next day. Then would come the blessed relief of the sweats that let you know the white blood cells had emerged triumphant and you would live to battle another cold. I yearn for those days. For one thing i never give myself enough time to recover from illnesses and i always push my self to hard in between. This time i gave in right away. When i thought i might make it to school today i had to force my self to accept 1)that i could barely stand up, and 2)that it's not fair to put myself into the microbial incubator that is a classroom environment when all these other people have much busier lives than that they cannot afford to be kept from. Also, and more intensly i miss those minor childhood fevers. Now when i get sick i feel like someone has placed me in the oven at 375 to bake for 9 to 10 hours. I go right passed the chills and into a high fever stage where i'm so hot it hurts and my skull becomes a saucepot for my brain. It is just one of those subtle ways nature reminds me that no matter how immature i may still feel, i am gettin old. Blech. Did i mention that on saturday i turn 29. I will not waste screen by pondering how i remember being 21 and how old 29 seemed (though i do) or how i imagined i'd be married by now and maybe even a mother, certainly making more money (yes, even i fantasized about marriage) or any of the other cliche's people spout as the twenties slip by. What i will say is how young 21 seems now, and how immature they are and i was, how much i dig my life and how things ended up and how i wouldn't trade 29 for 21 for all the indie clout in portland. ( i was trying to think of a currency all could relate to- hence indie clout). Hope all can make it out at some point on mi cumpleanos.

"warm weather colds, ech" or "a midsummer nights phlegm"

So I woke up this morning sick as a dog, i slept until 8 oclock at night and now i still feel relatively infirmed. I definitely have a fever, And I don't want to take another dose of nyquil because dyphenhydramine really fucks with me. Although being sick is a good excuse to do absolutely nothing, which i never let myself do. So it's t minus 4 days till martin arrives, and now i'm more nervous than anything else. I didn't really consider how exactly this will affect my life. It is going to be4 a huge help for him, though. He reallu needs to get out of issaquah. He will be arriving friday night and will be attending my birthday bash. Thanks to everyone for coming to my house last night and not fucking anything up. Sorry if my sister was rude to anyone. She's pretty much all bark and no bite. For all of you who read my blog, i hope you can try to come to my birhday on saturday. We will be meeting at Todai at 6 pm for a gluttonous dinner. Then wherever you all would like to take me. I hope to post the plan in a couple days so everyone can come meet us. And i would just like to tell my Roxie Hart that her Velma Kelly says"he had it comin"