So what, then, shall we say is the cause?
The first answer is usually men. Its easy and obvious and a tempting conclusion to jump to. As in so many other cases, though, I think men are being blamed needlessly (don't worry, I still think some things are their fault). As a rule, I believe that men are far less picky about our bodies than we think. It's not that they don't have standards, or are simply pigs who'll take it wherever they can get it, far from it. I think that men think a far broader range of sizes and shapes are beautiful, and that variety is the spice of life. In fact, most of the men I know prefer that women have more meat on their bones rather than less. I mean, who really wants to have sex with a tree? Cushion for the pushing indeed. I do know a few men who enjoy their women when they look like strippers, porn stars, and retail sales girls, but they tend to be superficial in general and aren't men I care to have looking at me anyway.
I think it is closer to the truth that the pressure to look a certain way that this American Life considers ideal comes much more from other women. Go into any room and try and find one man who could tell you what this season's Dooney and Bourke looks like, I challenge you. Yet I, who would never aspire to own one, and in fact think most of them are ugly (the new Coaches too, but that's not important) could still pick one out at 50 paces and probably even identify a knock-off. I think for the most part, we dress for each other. But I don't think that is root of the problem either.
Now, I don't mean to deny or ignore the obesity problem. It is an epidemic and could be so easily remedied. I also don't completely blame the evolution of body ideals. I know that it is often cited that Marylin Monroe was a size 10, and that much bigger ideals were prized in earlier times, this century even. Women were also trained to sit behind a desk, or at home, or other sedentary places. A more athletic build represents to me a more active and independent woman and I think it is a step forward. However, most of the women to which I am referring are not in these categories and generally don't have these sorts of exercise, over eating or diet/nutritional problems.
I know where my problem came from. I remember always thinking as a young girl that I was just a little bit fat. I remember this feeling was always reinforced by my mothers (yes I have two, no they're not lesbians). They never let a chance pass to inform me when they thought I didn't look ideal. It ranged from remarks about how much smaller my stomach was when I was on swim team, to dragging me to jazzercise, to less overt things like encouraging me whenever I mentioned my new diet techniques. Now, I never developed a true eating disorder, but many of my friends did. I remember a classmate who had a perfectly lovely, tiny teenage figure who would measure her waste every morning. To this day I still lift my shirt, turn to the side, and suck in my stomach almost every time I'm alone in front of a mirror. Entire generations of women, as young even as me and younger, who's mothers were ERA, bra burning feminists, have still managed to instill in us a need to always strive for thin and perfect. Not only was this behavior reinforced by my (and I'm sure their's) mothers, I never once remember them telling me I was beautiful. That I had a beautiful body. That I was special, or lovely, or unique, or any of the things that I make sure to tell all the young ladies in my life. Starting at a very young age I tell them how beautiful they are, and not to let anyone tell them any different. And they are! Now, I know I am biased, but statistically it would be unlikely that all the young ladies I know are as beautiful as I think they are. Unless we adopt a new vision of beauty. I know its cheezy, but I really love that song by Christina Aguilera "beautiful" because it sums up my opinion about beauty. Not just that we should pretend that everyone is beautiful just to be nice, but that everyone IS beautiful and if we believe it, it will become real for us and we will see it (all my neices do look like they fell off a cloud, though. I'm not gonna lie to ya).
Identifying the source of the problem still doesn't say how we are going to solve it. There are more plus sized models, more bbw advocates, and more legal policies to support a womans right to be big. But the regular models just keep getting thinner, almost like a pendulum effect. I know i can vote with my dollar on this one, but I absolutely don't know how. Should I boycott Ralph Lauren? Done, I haven't bought Ralph Lauren in years. Abercrombie and Fitch, Calvin Klein, Bebe, BCBG, the GAP? All done. The last pair of jeans I bought came from Fred Meyer, and Walmart before that. I was thinking I would have a good parting thought, a solution, an opinion (they are like assholes afterall), but I really am at a loss. How do we change this?
