ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

I'm considering a life-change haircut. Not to be confused with a change-of-life haircut, change-of-life meaning menopause. No, life-change, meaning I dumped my boyfriend and got a real life. Really, I've got this weird bang thing going on that I don't particularly care for, but also I feel I need my hair to reflect how different I feel. Did I mention I'm very particular with my hair? Obsessed really (but Amber, you don't get obsessed!). As I like to say, there are only 2 haircuts I look good with: long or bobbed, both all one length. It's true though. So guess which one I'm going for now? Okay, look for the brand new, better than ever, hot as hell, AMBER 2.0, coming soon to a bar near you. Okay the Sandy Hut.

gre scores

took the GRE this morning.

640 verbal 800 quantitative. Wont get my written analytical score back for 15 days.

update: 4.5 on my analytical. suck. That's out of 6, kiddies. It's really not very good. What do I care, though, after all:

Dammit Jim, I'm a scientist,
not a writer.

Oh, btw, the guy from 'Sean of the Dead' is gonna play Scottie in the new star trek movie. I haven't been this excited about a movie since 'THGTTG' (you better ask somebody). Do you see a theme?

3rd times a charm

why o why are people so fucking stupid? but oh well, the seal has been broken. The demon has been loosed!!! Lock up your sons.

You can't go home again

I am living with my Mom for the first time since I was 17, and it is odd, to say the least. For one, she has a new puppy, a toy poodle, that was a gift from her sister. She would never have bought one on her own. The weird part about it is how much she loves the dog. I have never seen her be this nurturing or affectionate, not even when we were kids. Honestly I don't blame her. She's had three kids and someone has tried to take them all away (not because she's a bad parent, but because divorce is a bitch). This is someone she can love and no one can take her away. Her name is China, because she could have become chinese food. My family's stupid sense of humor, what can I say.

Things I like about living at home:
1. My mom buys groceries like she's opening her own store.
2. My mom cooks like she's opening her own restaurant.
3. It's free.
4. It's temporary.
5. Cable.
6. Nice stuff, including a basement (stays cool in the summer).
7. My mom understands about partying.

Things that suck about living at home:
1. My mom cooks alot of meat.
2. I can't bring boys home.
3. It's in Vancouver.

Well, the good outweigh the bad. I guess I just made one of those pro/cons lists without even knowing about it.

peace.

ps ITS FRIDAY!!!!!!!XX

another way to skin a cat

So you may have seen or heard discussion of 'Schrodinger's Cat' and wondered what it was. Well let me tell you.

Erwin Schrodinger, while famous for his children's stories about cats (not really) is actually more famous for his equation, aka Schrodinger's equation. It is rivaled only by Einstein's theory of relativity in importance in the world of physics, and is a fundamental equation of wave phenomenon. Everything and everyone in the universe has multitude of forms of waves, so it's important.

Back to his cat.

Quantum Physics may sound complicated but its essence is really quite simple. The word quantum is the singular of 'quanta'. Sound like the word quantity? Well it is. Take the humble river for example. As we experience this water, it is an amorphous blob of wet 'stuff' which can exist in infinte variations of quantity. However, you can seperate water into smaller and smaller units until you arrive at the smallest possible unit- the molecule- of water. This was long thought to not be the case with light, until a guy named Max Planck (lots of Germans, I know) came along and proved the contrary. Light, in fact energy in general, exists in smallest discrete units known as quanta. Quantum Physics describes these and other quantized phenomena.

But what about the cat?

Okay, well maybe I'm stalling because I don't entirely buy the quantum cat thing, or maybe I'm worried that the reason I don't buy it is I don't entirely understand it, but either way, here goes.

Say a cat is trapped in an inscrutable box with a vial of poison. The vial is set to break should the box detect a particular radiation. So the question is

Is the cat alive or dead?

According to Schrodinger NEITHER.

Until we open the box and discover what state it is in, we can't know what state it's in because it is 'stateless' until we open the box and discover what state it is in.
Is you mind blow yet? Yah, mine wasn't either.

Really, it was intended in it's bizaareness to expose the ubsurdity of some other interpretations of quantum phenomena, but it's use is often in the affirmative as an axiom of quantum exploration.

The adaptation most interesting to you dear reader is the quantum computer, which has been theorized as the end of electronic security as we know it. Instead of an information based on 2 state switches which always hold either one position or the other, a quantum computer would be in no state until you called upon it for it's data, at which time it would take any number (i'm not sure how many are possible) of positions. Why would it be an end to internet security as we know it? Because most of the sophisticated encryption algorithms in existence rely on the deceptively simple action of factoring very large numbers, albeit with a key. Hacking this  currently requires a mostly brute force method and takes a very long time to crack. The speed with which a quantum computer could do this would be minutes or even seconds, instead of days, weeks, and months (which is too long when they are changed frequently).

Why do I bring this up?
Because of the adaptation which is most interesting to me:

You can reason the options of a decision backwards and forwards for as long as you like, but in the end, you just don't know until you try.

And since you, dear reader, pressed all the way to the end of this over-winded blog, I will bless you with an extra nugget of information:

I'm ready to start bringing some players off the bench.

and the southern cross

Well we cheated
and we lied
and we tested
We never failed to fail
it was the easiest thing to do
You will survive being bested
and Somebody fine will come along
and make me forget about loving you

See, my ex is being a complete dick.
Even though it's to be expected, there's no law that says you can't be cool
when you break up with someone. I didn't want to leave, I made it clear what my beefs were, gave plenty of warning and plenty of chances. I didn't want to leave. So why the fuck do I get crucified?
One of my other male friends who I was hanging out with decided to pick a fight with me right before I was about to leave anyway. I guess so I'd leave sooner. Pick on the vulnerable girl, that's good laughs.
One of my other male friends cannot seem, no matter how long we've known each other, to see me as anything other than an object. And he's one of my oldest friends.
Basically what I'm getting at is I hate everything with a penis right now.

You all fucking suck.

Slip out the back, Jack

I am staring down the barrel of what could be the end of my most significant and lengthy relationship to date, and I'm torn. I'm happy to be rid of some of the weekly battles that caused us to break up, but mostly I'm just sad. Whatever I may say in many of the coming nights that find me drunk, he is one of the truly decent men out there, of which there are few. He is kind, funny, and smart. We just weren't right for each other, and that's truly sad. It's far easier to break up when you hate each other, but when you still have deep feelings it's hard. It came really suddenly (although observers may disagree), out of a place where we were really getting along, and I was in a 'we're gonna make it' phase. It's generally the way I am, though. I get irritated or dissatisfied with something and try and deal with it in various ways until poof, I just make up my mind. Actually, the battles may have just been a symptom of what was really the problem: children. He say's he doesn't want them and I know I do. I have to finish grad school and, hopefully, my PhD before that time, but still...Many times he has said he will probably cave and I'll get my way, but I don't think that's the right way to go about it. I don't want to think about it any more right now or I'll cry.