heaven and hell

As much as i believe in God and all that, I've always had a problem with the idea of Hell. I wrote a long time ago about the death penalty, and I have a similar feeling. In that case, i agree with the death penalty in theory, but on an individual basis I still have a hard time wishing it on anybody. As I said I feel the same way about hell. I agree with the idea of hell in theory: there are people out that there that live completely unredeeming lives. They spend their time here on the earthly plane bringing pain, suffering, and misery to innocent people who just wish to go about their lives in peace. 

I think its the hindis or the buddhists who believe that reincarnation is merely a function of self improvement. It exists as a chance to extend the purification of the soul when such endeavors cant be completed during a single lifetime. I like that idea, that you cant escape destiny and the cycle of life and death. 

I also like to think that such a cycle is for everyone, not just a chosen few. When I say everyone, I mean everyone. 

There are whispers around the dogmatic 'water cooler' that a gospel exists that was left out that suggests that hell isn't totally really real. The rumor is that if everyone who's not in hell asks, hell will be emptied and everyone let out. I don't exactly believe in that either, but it opened the door to a progressive idea of hell. For some, the process of self improvement, purification of the soul, involves some imposed, confined, dedicated thinking time. Also known as prison. This theory isn't perfect, as prison is also not perfect. If the universe included an idea of prison in its plan, why is it such a foul place? why does it seem that it concentrates criminals rather than rehabilitating them? I don't know. But prison does help some people, arguably in a way that nothing else could. 

But what about the people who some how manage to escape prison? Their whole lives, they evade capture and, it seems, die by the sword rather than pay for their crimes. 

Maybe thats what hell is, a sort of afterlife prison. I find that notion satisfying for several reasons. First, it means that there is redemption for all, not just some, that we all are subject to the same rules and restrictions, no matter what, but that we also have the same opportunities. No one can escape the universe. Second, it means that hell is not permanent. I'm not sure which scares me more: the idea that heaven is forever or that hell is. 

So on to heaven. When I was young I used to get scared in my room a night, thinking the dull roar of the city i heard through my window was an earthquake on its way to annihilate existence. I even had a fantasy that an airplane could escape the destruction. I know there were other things that scared me, but what REALLY scared me was heaven. I was sent to Christian day care until 5th or 6th grade and went to sunday services till about that time as well. I grew up believing without question the doctrine as written by the baptists, including the notion of everlasting life in the presence of our lord in eternal perfection. Frankly I'll pass. I do not want to live forever in any form and I can't understand why all the rest of these zealots work so hard trying to earn it. I so strongly do not want to live forever that if i ever wanted to freak myself out all i had to do was imagine living forever and never dying. 

So when I finally started to rethink the doctrine and develop my own personal dogma, one of the first things i got rid of is that notion of forever. I wanna die someday. Not just leaving my earthly coil, I want the light that is my soul to someday flicker out and be no more. Seriously.

Now just what is this heaven place? I have no problem imagining that it is perfect and endless and without flaw, that sounds fun and all. But that sounds like the universe to me. All of Gods (or whoever) wonders are supposed to exist in this, boundless, universe, so why bother creating another place that fits the same description just to stick our souls in it? Besides, I won't be done exploring this one when I die, not by a long shot. I wanna know what the ef is out there, I have a lot of questions I want answered. So I thought that would be a much better heaven, for me anyway. Just let my soul have free reign of this universe, flying around at multiple warp speeds checking out what there is to see. Not quite in the way of ghostiness, that seems too tied to corporeal time and place. Then, after a couple millenia of that, once I know if and where the aliens are, what happens in a black hole, and who killed kennedy (and who was behind 9/11) for that matter, then I'll voluntary lay down for the big sleep. 

So there you have it: Hell is an afterlife prison, and Heaven is just flying around the universe and exploring till you get tired.